Thursday, June 21, 2007

Key to my Mind - Part 1(Turn Off's)

I have always wondered what people think of me. And i feel amused everytime someone says or does something, coz these are strangers who know nothing about me. But will i be able to take the same stand when it comes to my close friends whose opinions and actions i value?
Am a complex creature. What's right to most people will look wrong to me.And thats why i mentioned in my previous blog, am pathetic when it comes to relationships.
Even my friends have difficulty understanding me so i thought i will make it a point to let everybody know what turn's me off.
What everyone else consider most trivial and unimportant, sometimes turns me off.

I hate it when someone hangs up on me. Nothing will successfully put me off than this. I feel as if am slapped!
I hate it when someone flaunts road rules. Obscenities reign supreme in my mouth when i see that happening.
It turns me off when plans are changed at the last moment. It makes me look like a fool.
I hate waiting and i hate being late. I get so irritated, that i fall into a shell for sometime and i refuse to come out. It happens for movies,train journeys and trips. I just hate waiting.
Oh! i feel i should mention this as well. Most of my guy friends feel am lax when it comes to girls with respect to this turn off of mine :) I beg to differ. With guys i take the liberty to say and shout on their face, with girls i dont. But it shows one way or the other that am not happy.
It turns me off when i am left out in the crowd. I feel lost and i feel miserable.I hate being ingnored.
I hate to see my friends bugged! It keeps nagging me and i end up pestering them about it coz i want to know. And i hate this too. why would i want to know when they dont wanna say it?
It turns me off completely when i fight with my friends. And i hate it when they refuse to talk to me. My day stops there and i cant think of anything else unless we sort it out. I simply loathe that interim state of silence.
I hate failures. And i hate disappointments.
It turns me off completely when i think the world about someone and they still dont understand me. It turns me off that my actions get misinterpreted and i have to explain myself to that someone whom i thought already knew me like the back of their hand!
It turns me off when am taken for granted. I detest the feeling that creeps up when am taken on a wild goose chase and my opinions are looked down upon without any consideration.
I hate Infidelity,Chauvinism and Artificial behaviour. I especially hate it when someone acts as if they are good at something when they really arent.
It turns me off when am criticized or ridiculed for doing/not doing something when that person is no good at it either.
And in the end, i hate being led, used and dumped. That drives the final nail into the coffin which holds 'Mutual Respect, Sharing and Trustworthiness'

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Where's the party tonite?

The title might be misleading for a few, considering the preface written but read on.....
"I had seen it only in movies before this....and to me i didnt know there was another world tht existed,a world like this..! where u lose yourself completely..when booze takes control over your mind, when dance is a means by which you cast lecherous eyes and engage in lustful action, an outlet for perverted thoughts bundled up due to years of ignorance to such kinda freedom..!" - Nope, this aint an article about the culture shock experienced by indians travelling abroad. This is about my first few weekends in the Garden City of Bangalore after leaving good,old chennai.
I shifted base to the silicon valley of india just like a million other day dreaming, software destined, 'onsite'manic, twenty something'ers , and the moment i stepped foot here i knew i was gonna miss chennai terribly.Ok, i can hear a familiar voice shouting at me to stop digressing and so here we go..
Discotheques or disc as it is popularly known around here, was always associated with the filthy rich, spoiled brats. Am sorry,but i was brought up that way, a typical conservative chennaite.As i mentioned before, i have heard about it and i have watched it in movies,but nothing prepared me for the madness that prevailed here. That night, at Sphinx, when my friends fitted perfectly into the night life of bangalore, i stood and surveyed my surroundings, completely speechless by what i saw. Maybe, i am exaggerating here and not all disc's are like what i was witnessing. I entered the dance floor, jostling my way through the crowd of people swaying to the thumping music and that 'whatever' they intake during these parties. I kept apologizing to everyone i bumped into and after the first few minutes i realized nobody was acknowledging it.Everybody was on a different plane altogether.
When people talk about PDA's(Public Display of Affection), my imagination was always limited to a hug, holding hands or a peck on the cheek.But i got a whole new meaning for it that day - Groping,stripping and host of other unmentionables. I gave a wierd look to my friend asking her what the hell was happening and i was hoping to get an answer, but she just smiled back. obviously, she was enjoying the dance and music oblivious(or ignoring) to what others were doing. I have this bad habit though. When am curious, i cant stop looking and i never knew that was gonna be a problem here. There were married couples and lovers dancing as well, and everytime i looked at them strangely, it ignited strong reactions from the male counterparts. Thanks to my friend who had a tough time reverting my concentration to the dance n music.
I tried to dance, with the limited abilities of mine, and soon forgot what was happening around me. I restricted my vision and thoughts to our group alone, and for the first time after entering the disc, i started having fun.
After one and a half years in Bangalore and hopping through different discotheques and pubs, i have come to understand that most people do only that. Define their own boundaries and tranform the night into a whole new experience, entertainment guaranteed.
These days, my eagerness to improve my dance skills and a chance to have good fun makes me shout 'Disc' everytime someone asks me about a weekend plan.
So, where's the party tonite?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Poems and Me - The First 'Real' Attempt

I have always wondered why people start writing poems...Does writing poems make one look creative? Or is it one hobby that you can harp upon to make you stand out in the crowd?
I started writing poems just like how any other ambitious,naive youngster would have...trying to ape the suave,verbose, handsome chaps who can impress the ladies with ease.
But then realization hit me....a realization that poems need to be felt before being penned down. It was a tough job and i gave up halfway through..this wasnt my cup of tea. I got back to what i did best reading, watching movies and munching potato chips.
Well what you see below is my first attempt at writing a poem after being inspired by the book 'One night at a call center'.Now my personal opinion about this book is not too great but then maybe i was inspired coz of the sequence of events surrounding it. I felt, and realized for the first time, how poems are written. The thoughts flowed, i never had to think and it dawned on me that everybody can write a poem one day. If i can write one, any Tom , Dick and Harry can.It isnt about creativity nor is it about mastery of a language. Its what you wanna express and what you have experienced.
So, here we go...I donno why it always has to be love that brings out a poet in someone. Sorry, am no different either.
Love - A Symphony of two souls.
Ha ha....It's been carried along through generations,
As sacred as the holy grail.
A mantra for modern era,
Though the rules have changed...It is called 'Love'...
A divine word, that even the dictionary cant describe...
Maybe i can...or i think so....
It came without a warning....and left me,
leaving a permenant scar...
God, i worshipped her,
Dreamt of every moment that would have been...
but waking up knowing it'll never be.....
She still and will always be in my dreams...
I dont know why or what it means....
I never knew living was more painful than dying..
until she was lost from my life, it left me crying...
how can i ever forget what i thought was happening..but never happened?
They say failure is the stepping stone for success,
But how did i fail, when i didnt even try?
Its an adage, that, Time is the healer,
True love defies Time......
And to me it was a roller coaster of emotions...
But the end didnt leave me exhiliarated...
Rather it kept spiralling down...
Not only the ride, but my life as well..!

Friday, June 8, 2007

Blogging - Does it make a Difference?

"I hate this mode of communication coz both of us don’t know what the other person is thinking after reading it" - My own words, talking about mail communication when it comes to explaining yourself. Funny for someone like me to say it coz i think i tend to express better when i start writing.
24 years have passed by,twenty of which were spent reclining on a sofa,happy in my 'lost world' as someone said later, introverted, fading into the background when it was needed of me to express. Then came the four years, where i freed myself of the shackles, but still limited to fantasies, occasional poems and lots of scraps.
This wasnt what writing was all about..this wasnt a form of expression. I never realized i was shunning away from the outside world.
I have finally resorted to blogging, thanks to one kind soul who felt i was good at writing and i should try it out.Well, am not sure about that, but will it make a difference?
Arent scraps that you keep stashed, more personal?
Will this be a proper outlet for the myriad of emotions that i pass thru?
Does the world need to witness and pass on opinion on the confessions of a dangerous mind(thats me) ?
These questions do remain unanswered as i embark on my journey thru this exciting world of blogging......
After all, am in the age of 'Nothing's a necessity if u dont try'..